Auntie Beeb

Number's up

Oh it’s one, two, three, give it up for the BBC

They always strive to give both sides of any controversy

In the interests of balance, oh, they’ll go out of their way

To hear the views about the news the other side has to say

Yeah, ever since 1922 they’ve given us the other point of view

So we can make our minds up, and we know it’s not a wind-up

And it must be true cos if we heard it on the news.

So in 1939 they might have given Hitler time

To tell us why he hated all the Jews

Then they’d get a rabbi on to tell him he was wrong

So there were two points of view for us to choose

It’s four, five, six, and now they’re in a fix

And not because they mentioned Palestine

We all know where they stand on that bloody patch of sand

And they’ll choke before they call it genocide.

No, this was something else, yes the orange guy himself

Who didn’t like way his words were twisted

It made him sound like he encouraged

The mob who did the damage

When they stormed the Capitol at his insistence

So it’s seven, eight, nine and they’re wondering where to find

A billion dollars worth of compensation

The heads have started rolling and everyone is scrolling

To see who else is heading for the station

And the irony is this, in a delicious little twist,

For once the other side, in which they have such pride,

Is entirely justified and the interests of balance

Have become a poisoned chalice

And the ransom will be paid by you and I

If the size of all these numbers is gonna keep you from your slumbers

While you’re wondering how much you can believe

Here’s a little coda if you’re still awake and sober

To help restore your faith in Auntie Beeb

Oh, if you’re still in any doubt, well you’ll know they’ve just come out

With a gadget that they’re calling Verified

Which suggests ironically, if not to you at least to me,

That all the rest must be a pack of lies.

Oh it’s ten, eleven, twelve and I’m not sure I want to delve

Into how our favourite aunt was compromised,

I’ve got a theory I can’t tell cos they’d dispatch me down to hell

Where Bibi’s goons would cut me down to size